Monkey’s Dismal Summer Wrap Up Report
First, let me just say something here. For those of you who DIDN’T actually invest in the poker team this summer, or ANY summer for that matter? Just because you HAVEN’T seen a post on my blog, DOESN’T mean that the 175+ investors in the team this summer (an all-time record btw) have been left “in the dark” because I haven’t posted a blog in over a week…or since ALL TEN players made it out of Day One.
Ya see, I have a few ways of communicating with my investors. The number one way, is the Private Facebook Group Page, that I set up for all the players, investors, and friends/family of the players to follow along with their progress all throughout the lead up and eventual tournament. The second, is via email. I have a spreadsheet of ALL the investors, and of course, their email addresses. I often will email the group with updates. Finally…for those who don’t (and just WON’T) ever use Facebook…they text or email me for updates.
So, those of you who have been quick to send me your “kind” messages suggesting all kinds of nice things about me because I didn’t find the time or motivation to write a blog post on the status of our players? I’m not going to apologize to YOU. If you were interested enough to know how they were doing…you should have invested. End of statement, on THAT matter anyway.
It’s kind of …mmmm, what’s the word here? Disappointing? Irritating? Annoying? When I think about the game of poker…and where it has come from and evolved to since I first started playing back about 15 years ago…it’s really pretty astonishing. One thing I can definitively state with almost complete confidence, is that the “douchey factor” in poker has really kind of hit a Mt Everest-like peak in recent years.
I’m not really sure which topic on the Top Ten List of DOUCHEBAG qualities is my #1….or really what order they should be lined up in. I guess it changes, based on the number of incidents occur. Some, it’s just hearing about…either in printed stories, or just through the poker grapevine. Others, of course, its via personal experience. But like hardcore leftists in the political realm these days, they seem to be making more and more of an impact and leaving me wanting less poker.
Here is a great example. I have what I believe is….maybe two or three “haters” who like to leave anonymous comments on this blog. It could actually be the same person. A sad, miserable asshole who sits despairingly alone in his mom’s basement probably, in one of those 70’s style bean bag chairs…rooting for my personal failure to somehow boost his own self-esteem. Now, it takes a special kind of sicko to be so devoted to anonymously drop nasty comments for such a long period of time. And keep in mind, I used to blog a LOT on this site…at least four or five times a month. Well now I’m lucky if you get 5 or 6 posts out of me a YEAR. And you might THINK….that this would maybe cause this gutter-dwelling miscreant to search for someone else with an obviously better life than himself to annoy. But…despite my infrequent appearances here…he STILL manages to find time to browbeat me. I’m probably supposed to be flattered, right? I’m sure there is some shrink out there who would convince me of that. But…me being me? I just secretly wish this guy, or guys…whoever they may be…would fall victim to some freak accident. Like having a meteor punch through the atmosphere…then the roof of mom’s house…where it permeates two floors and strikes the loser in the head down there in the basement. Or maybe he’s driving, taking mom’s car to the store late one night to get her some Metamucil…and while taking his eyes off the road to leave a hateful comment on someone’s story about their dog who was rescued from a hole in a frozen lake…he manages to creep into the “no man’s land” area of a railroad crossing…and gets creamed by an oncoming train.
Anonymous has left a new comment on your post “AND AFTER DAY ONE…10 MONKEYS ADVANCE!!!!!”:”Wow what a fair-weather writer. All your hype and BS about your great ‘squad’ which real players know is your annual scam, and you don’t have the decency to report on their (at least for those in the know) demise. Do yourself a favor and shut it down scam boy.”
So here is Mr Asshole’s latest comment…and yes, I know, just like the mass killer on TV who loves to see his name and picture bandied about, so that he can further bask in the glory of his 15 minutes of fame…I realize that I shouldn’t give him the satisfaction of calling attention to his stupid comment, that he isn’t even man enough to sign his name to. Cowards are my favorite of all douchebags…THAT I AM confident enough to declare.
So…lets analyze this delightful human being’s (albeit barely) comment, shall we? Fair-weather writer. I imagine that infers that I prefer to write when I have something positive to write about. Of that, I am guilty. Go figure! All the “hype and BS about my great squad?” Hype? Yes. BS? I object! I was very excited about our team of 10 players…several of whom had cashed for my team in the past. I don’t know what BS our friend is talking about. But here is where it gets good. “Which real players know is your annual scam!” First off…what is the difference between a “real” player and a “pretend” player? And the categorization of what I do being an “annual scam?” This same idiot has been chastising me for years, suggesting that I was ripping off my old backer…for no other reason than I had a staking deal that was better than most. See…it’s funny, in a not-so-funny way, how poker players are some of the most violently jealous people you will ever encounter. God forbid…you manage to have a network of people you’ve spent decades developing, one that is more than happy to participate in just about ANYTHING you happen to put together. And yet!!!?? For that person WITHOUT a network like yours? If they are able to successfully do something they can only DREAM about doing? They must certainly be doing something illegal, or unethical at BEST…because no way could it ever be possible to just simply be BETTER at fundraising then your sorry ass!
See…people like this? With this kind of mentality? And acerbic tone and attitude? They are what have made playing this game less and less enjoyable. When I have to read this kind of crap? Yeah, I know its in the minority of how people think. However…it rankles me to know there is even ONE person out there who thinks this way. This “annual scam” that I started six years ago? Collectively, I have LOST about…hold on, let me get out my calculator here…$12,000 or more doing this annual scam. See…I don’t take a nickel for my efforts. Not one. If I sell 50 shares for $200…that sends a player. I sold 500 shares this summer. That sent 10 players. And the players first t-shirts and hat? I pay for THOSE as well. The first year…I personally purchased 10 shares for $2000. That had been the first year where no one made the money of the four we sent. Every year since then…I have purchased 15 shares for $3000. This year…despite having all ten make it out of day one…and had 4 going in day three…was the second time we failed to make the money. The four years in between, we managed to win enough to get about half of our investments back. So yeah…given all the t-shirts, hats and hoodies that I provided to the players at my own expense, and the investments I made myself…I am stuck over $12,000. But I’m a scammer. Right. Got it.
“You don’t have the decency to report on their demise.” Right, right. Because everyone likes to hear about failure, huh? Maybe just YOU…Mr. Anonymous…because again, anything in MY poker world that equals failure, is a win for YOU…right? Sad…but oh so true. So its really not that your upset that I’m not informing anyone else, really…you just need your dose of Monkey Failure to give you a reason to get out of bed everyday…isn’t that more like it? Because like I said at the beginning of this post…the people who actually participated in the team this summer? They all know/knew the outcome. And frankly? I don’t OWE it to anyone to post updates on my own personal blog. No one pays me to blog. Additionally? I have this thing called “a life” (you should look into finding one) that shockingly to some, keeps me incredibly busy. And sometimes..it just takes me a lot longer to get to some of the things on my “to do list” than I would like. That (again) is called “life” something I’m fairly certain you don’t possess.
“Do yourself a favor and shut it down, scam boy.” Tell you what…YOU shut yourself down first…and maybe I will take you up on your wish. But I want photos as proof. Like maybe the business end of a wood chipper. That would be sweet. See, here’s the thing…I nearly DID shut it down last summer. Mainly because I was exhausted, from having just bought my wife and kid a beautiful new home in the country on 5 acres…with a pond in the back, and endless trees as far as the eye can see. I had projects going on left and right, and contractors running every which way. I hadn’t played much poker, nor followed much poker, and my mind was anywhere else other than poker. But as the WSOP kept getting closer and closer…I started getting more and more people emailing me, texting me, hitting me up on Facebook…about the team. About not just having a chance to play on the team…but to invest.
People have come to really look forward to this team I started in 2014. It has really kind of taken on a “Make a Wish Foundation for Poker Players,” as well as poker investors. People who love to have some skin in the game…but otherwise wouldn’t have a chance to…are able to jump on my self-created bandwagon, and follow the action as the team comes together all throughout May, June and the first week of July when sales are the most brisk as we race to fill out the roster. Then they sit back…and watch the countless updates on the Facebook page…leaving one encouraging comment after another. It’s an army that is about 250-300 strong…and throughout that experience, friendships are born. The players…who are nearly always incredibly appreciative of the experience, and usually really good about conveying that to the investors, often times line themselves up for future staking opportunities as a result of having played on my team, and developing relationships with some of the investors. So from that standpoint, I’ve helped to launch the careers of some players who didn’t previously have a network to draw from. There are a handful of players who came to me looking for that “big break” that I couldn’t be prouder of. One of them is Joshua Reichard…who was one of the first members of the team. He has since gone on to win what I think now is 10 or 11 circuit rings, as well as a bunch of other tournaments. Jason Young, a former WSOP bracelet winner who had essentially hit rock bottom? I gave him a shot last summer…he fell short, but the exposure led to him getting staked in some tournaments in South Florida this past winter…and he managed to make three huge scores, including winning the Main Event at Hard Rock for a quarter million bucks. In the course of about 6 weeks…he snapped off about $400k in winnings. And now, his life has done a total 180.
So to those (like this jerk) who think this is somehow a money-making scheme of mine? Pffft….think again! If they don’t make money…I don’t make money. Add to that the other players I bought pieces of this summer…and it was a ROUGH summer for me. But there were a few highlights that made my one week in Vegas semi-enjoyable. I might write a blog after this one…where I get a little more into my trip out there, as well as a follow up to my amazing week in Scotland, and London, with some pictures. It’s been a pretty cool summer, for the most part. And coming up…in September, I’m heading up to Milwaukee to stay with my mom and sister while I visit an eye specialist who my mom referred me to, and who I met with a couple months ago when we visited them. I suffered a detached retina last November…and one of the side affects, that I was quoted a 15% chance of getting (so in my case that usually means 98.5%) was a cataract, which, of course…I got! So my left eye has been totally screwy now for close to a year. Well…he is going to fix that (hopefully-knock on wood) on Sept 11th (I know, kind of a creepy date, but he only operates on Wednesdays!) and then after a couple days of R&R…I’m going to play the WSOP Circuit event at Potawatomi casino for the first time. They tend to get pretty good turnouts there…so I’m somewhat looking forward to it. Plus I’m sure I will probably end up putting my mom and sister in some events as well. So it will be a family affair on the felt! I’m somewhat disappointed in that the Gulf Coast Poker championship at the Beau Rivage is going on that same time period. I will be able to play the first big tourney that weekend, but that’s it, as I will be flying up to Milwaukee that Tuesday. So that’s a bummer. And aside from that event…who knows?
I haven’t been down to St Thomas to check in on my bar all year…so I would like to get down there to at least “check in” on the place. Also…we are apparently about to open a restaurant down there too. So it might be nice, if I’m going to be involved in THAT…to at least go down and do some research. Always nice to know where your money is going BEFORE it goes there. I have a lot of previous experience in the fine-dining industry…and have always kind of wanted to have my own place that handles high-end dining guests. It’s been about 20-25 years…but while in Atlanta primarily, and a little bit in New York, I worked at some really nice places. To have a really nice place like that in the Virgin Islands would be amazing…but even moreso if I was able to be there and actually function as a hands-on owner. But alas, I’m the silent partner in all these ventures I’m involved with.
A lot of people already know this, but for those who don’t: I bought a tanning salon for the Squirrel, aka “my wife.” I’d been trying to talk her into getting out of the Beau Rivage for about the past 5 years. She is someone who always needs to be doing SOMETHING….and I respect that about her. She’s not one to sit around at home and collect dust. Well, she also liked working at the Beau because it’s where all her friends are. I get that, too. So I proposed a bunch of different options. Hair salon!?? Nail salon? Clothing boutique? No! No! And No some more!!! Well, what then??? Turns out…this opportunity just kind of fell in her lap. A really nice lady, who ironically enough, had a teenage son who I had hired to do some yard work for me last year…was feeling like she needed to spend more time with her kids, and was ready to sell her salon that she’s had for a lot of years. The price seemed fair, and she promised to help out with anything we needed. So Cheryl trained with her all June…learning all about the business, and the place, specifically. So before I left for Scotland…I went and got the cashiers check for her. And on the first of July…Squirrel became the owner of her own business…the Perfect Glow in D’Iberville. It’s been a lot of fun watching her take on that responsibility. On top of that…Carley has really gotten into being a part of it. Squirrel lets her clean the beds…at 25 cents per bed. Granted…her little arms aren’t long enough to reach all of the bed…so Cheryl has to go in behind her, sneakily (so as not to hurt Carley’s feelings) and clean the bed after she has! But Carley really feels involved, and is (as she puts it) the “richest 6 year old in the world!!” She starts back to school here in a couple weeks…so we will have to cut back her hours significantly!
So yeah…Squirrel is FINALLY out of the casino business….after 20 years at the Beau. I’m so happy that she is out of there….it was killing her. And with all the chances, managerially, that MGM has been going through in the past 3 or 4 years…it had become a not-so-great company to work for. Now she is on her own…and her own boss. Again…I’m the “silent partner!” And I’m perfectly fine with that! As long as she is happy, and I think she is.
Finally got my taxes done! FOUR years in arrears. But now I’m dealing with the nightmare of the IRS and their bureaucratic idiocy. My accountant did all four years…and e-filed all of them. I owed for two years, and had a refund for two years. I send payment for the two years immediately. Then I get a check back…in the amount I sent. Huh? Turns out…the IRS is a really screwed up operation. They have like three posts. One that GETS payments. One that actively pursues payments. And one who tries to balance what’s been paid and what’s been collected. And they are not in sync! At all! And good luck if you try to actually CALL them! Ha! It’s two hours…minimum…before you get anyone on the phone. I guess the moral of the story, in my case…do NOT get yourself backed up on your taxes! Especially four years!
The Main Event is over. I sat in bed…much to the chagrin of Squirrel…watching it on my iPhone the other night. Yes, I was wearing my BOSE headphones…I’m not THAT rude! But any kind of light annoys her and keeps her from sleeping soundly. It was a pretty long battle heads up…and I can honestly say I thought they both played pretty well. There really weren’t a lot of good hands being dealt. The biggest, I suppose, was the final hand…when Ensan picked up KK and Sammartino was unlucky enough to flop a flush draw and then turn a straight draw. That spelled his demise.
It was another Final Table that lacked any star power…or poker notables. There were definitely some good players there. But also some newbies that just happen to run good for a week. The most notable one being that punk who decided it would make him infamous if he tanked on nearly EVERY hand. Kevin Maahs…who interestingly enough was photographed by one of my 10 players yesterday at the Rio…playing in a $100 daily tournament. Go figure…after winning 2.2m…he’s playing in a $100 tourney? Either he REALLY loves poker THAT much….or he was playing the Main for about 2% of himself. Which…these days in poker…is very likely. At any rate…I hope we never have to see that idiot again. I really thought…after the first night of the final table, that we would see Garry Gates win. He seemed to be the best tourney player, had a solid background, and the most momentum. But he seemed to run into bad luck and a shortage of decent cards when they got down to 6.
The thing that stood out the most to me about the heads up action…was the rail. Say whatever you want about supporting your player. I just happen to think it’s inappropriate to bring soccer-like antics to the poker tournament. The players are literally playing for millions of dollars, and with it already being a game of immense concentration…the decisions are magnified under those conditions. And to have a gaggle of mostly men yelling and screaming and singing stupid songs the whole time? It’s just moronic. If I was a player…and at that final table…I would walk over and BEG my railbirds to please pretend that they are a tennis match, say, Wimbledon. Where decorum is not just expected, but demanded. I know you can’t do anything about the other guy’s rail…unless you and him both agree to go talk to our “birds” at the same time. I would 100% do that. Even as a spectator at home…it made it very hard to watch, with those idiots acting like a bunch of clowns.
I have another opinion about railbirds, and its one of the reasons I’ve always kind of hated having people sweat me whenever I’ve been at a big final table. Part of me feels like they are there because they somehow think their “support” for you should translate into a handout if they happen to win. Its just an awkward feeling. I know that I shy away from sweating people for that reason alone. I don’t want them thinking I might be thinking that way. Not just that…but actually WATCHING poker…has got to be one of the most boring things in the history of mankind. Especially as a person who PLAYS the game. I can see where, if you didn’t really play much…it might be entertaining. But for me? Ugh. Kill me. So…I’ll just swoop by…wish you good luck…and be on my merry way!!!!
But yeah…the WSOP really needs to do something about the hooligans that disrupt the play at the Final Table. It’s out of line.
Is that enough of a report? Hater? Did you get enough to fill you in? 10 players. All made it out of Day 1. 6 went down in Day 2. We took 4 to Day 3…plus I had 10% of Barth. He was clicking along rather nicely with about 175k, among the leaders…and had “The Nightmare” happen to him. Him on the button with KK…the super-aggro Euro in the BB with AA. We all know how those go down. And with a rag flop…even if it hadn’t gone in preflop….which it did….it would have gone in post flop anyway. Brutal cooler. So yeah…he went down….as did the other four. Jason Bond lasted the longest…and by virtue of that finish, will receive the automatic invite back next summer….that is, if my scammer ass decides to do the team again. 🙂